Offspring Inspired
by JakiMisery
Summary: This story doesn't really have anything to do with anyone's offspring, it was just inspired by a song written by The Offspring. Ron and Hermione are in horrible relationships, and want each other. And what's this? Harry has a secret? COMPLETE!


A/N: Uhm, this is just a random one-shot that popped into my head while I was listening to The Offspring's "Why don't you get a Job." It isn't exactly like the song, I kind of formed it for my purposes, but it's still similar.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, not even the plot, if you think about it. It was inspired by a song.

My friend, Ron Weasley, has a girlfriend. Her name is Lavender Brown. Man, he hates that bitch. He tells me everyday, never fails. He keeps telling me he's got to get rid of her, but he doesn't really make an effort. The girl he's _really_ in love with has a boy friend. Lavender always expects Ron to do anything and everything for her, no matter what. She's angry that he doesn't have enough money to buy her nice things, like most boyfriends do.

My friend, Hermione Granger, has a boyfriend. His name is Michael Corner. Man, she hates that dick. She tells me everyday, never fails. She complains constantly about him. The boy she's _really_ in love with has a girlfriend. Michael always expects her to do what he wants her to, no matter what. He's mad that she won't have sex with him, like most girlfriends do.

"Ron, just break up with Lavender. If you're so unhappy, then you should just end it."

"But, what would be the point? I'd be alone because Hermione already has a boyfriend."

"Just do it. Trust me," Harry said when Ron looked like he was going to protest.

"Fine. When I come back, I won't have a girlfriend anymore."

"Good. Now, go."

Ron left Gryffindor Tower in search of Lavender and, shortly after, Hermione walked through the portrait hole with an aggravated look on her face.

"Just break up with him, Hermione. You don't really like him."

"But, Harry-"

"Yeah, yeah, 'Ron has a girlfriend.' I know that. You're just so unhappy. Please, break up with him. For me?"

"Harry James Potter, how dare you pull that on me?"

Harry sighed. "Hermione, please, just trust me?"

"Fine. I will be a single woman when I walk back into this common room."

"Well, if that's gonna happen, you had better hurry up."

Hermione just looked at him strangely before she left to find Michael.

Harry sighed, happy that he had _finally_ put his plan into action.

Ron walked into the common room some time later, a wide smile on his face.

"Harry, I'm single! I'm a free man!"

Harry muttered a short '_Not for long_' as Ron did a victory dance around the common room, so preoccupied with singing 'I'm a single man, I'm a single man' that he didn't notice Hermione walk into the common room with a smile on her face.

"So?"

"Harry, I'm single! Oh, god, I'm single! Finally!" Hermione giggled, and collapsed onto the couch in a fit of giggles.

"Hermione, guess what?" an excited Ron stood in front of Hermione.

"You're a single man?"

Ron's face fell. "Who told you?"

"Ron," Hermione giggled, "you've been running around the common room singing 'I'm a single man' over and over. It's kind of hard not to come to the conclusion that you're a single man."

Ron blushed. "Oh."

"But I also have good news. I'm single too!"

"That's great!"

Ron hugged Hermione and she hugged him back as Harry sat watching them, amusement blaringly obvious in his eyes.

They both started dancing wildly around the common room, people watching them, know what Harry was up to.

When Hermione and Ron met halfway across the common room, they joined hands and danced around in circles before stopping to catch their breath, laughing like mad. Their laughter started to die down and they looked at each other, noting their closeness before meeting each other's eyes and looking away quickly, a deep red blush on Hermione's face and Ron's ears an unnatural shade of red. Both began looking everywhere other than each other before making eye contact and smiling lightly at each other. It was quite comical and slightly romantic, Harry thought to himself along with everyone else in the common room.

Ron looked from Hermione's eyes to her lips before looking into her eyes again. Before anyone could say "Cliché" Ron's lips had met Hermione's. It was a chaste kiss and Ron looked at Hermione with uncertainty in his eyes. Hermione smiled brightly before swinging her arms around Ron's neck and pressing her lips to his.

Everyone started cheering and catcalls were heard around the room making Ron and Hermione separate, blushing even more than before.

"Hermione?"

Everyone grew quite.

"Yes, Ron?"

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

Hermione just smiled and kissed Ron passionately.

"Is that a yes?" asked Ron, slightly dazed, as they separated.

Hermione smiled and said, "Yes, Ron, that's a yes."

Ron smiled brightly and picked Hermione up, bridal style, before walking over to Harry.

"Harry, Hermione and I are going out!"

Harry chuckled. "I, along with the entire Gryffindor House, know that. You weren't exactly in the privacy of an unused classroom or anything."

Ron flushed before smiling, too happy to let his embarrassment ruin his mood.

"Harry?"

"Yes, Hermione?"

"You set this up, didn't you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Hermione," said Harry, carelessly, but his Cheshire cat grin gave him away.

"Harry, how long have you been planning this?"

"Oh, I don't know… Probably the day you both started complaining about the relationships you were in."

"But, Harry… That was _months_ ago."

"Oh, I know. I just had to wait for the day that Ron would throw his morals out the window and just outright kiss you. And, finally, today was that day."

Hermione just looked at him.

"Blimey, Harry. You're pretty smart."

Harry's barking laughter had everyone looking at him strangely. "Ron, if I wasn't so smart, do you think that I would have been able to keep my relationship with Draco secret for three years?"

Ron and Hermione just gaped at Harry.

"Well, I have a boyfriend to see, and he hates it when I'm late. See ya."

And with that, Harry left the common room, laughing all the way to the room of requirement, leaving the entire Gryffindor House awestruck.

After a few moments of silence Ron began to laugh. Hermione looked at him like he was crazy, but soon found the laughter to be contagious and began to laugh as well. They kissed and lay down on the couch, still laughing, while the rest of the Gryffindors began to laugh, quite hysterically and crazily. Anyone from any other house would have thought the Gryffindors completely bonkers, but they knew better. Everyone had always thought that Harry and Draco belonged together, despite their constant bickering, much like Ron and Hermione's, but more vicious. Finding out that they were already together was definitely something to laugh about. The Gryffindors laughed long into the night, wondering how they had been so blind.

So, what'd you think? Please R&R! And if you're going to flame me about how predictable and cliché it was, don't bother. I know that it is, and that's how it was intended. If you are going to flame me about something else, go right ahead. Happy days!


End file.
